Confessions of an Ester....

Confession time:
   About once every 9-12 months I have a breakdown. And by breakdown I mean: I cry. Yes, I know... Ester cries. But I don't just mean that I shed a tear or two... I mean.... I REALLY cry. And most of the time it is completely random and over something very odd... like... fireworks... or a baby bird. You just never know when it's gonna hit. So here is my story of this year's breakdown....

   It all started July 24th, 2012.... Seemed like a regular day in the life of Ester Biggs... I got up after a total of 3.45 hours of sleep the night before (which seems to have become somewhat of a habit of mine lately....) followed by realizing that Nate Scott is still in California with his family and I'm here.... because of work.... (curses).... However, my day improved as I had 6 texts on my phone from family members saying we were going to a Pioneer Day Chuckwagon Breakfast. YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!! (Chuckwagon Breakfasts.... it's what we Ballam's do.....) So needless to say, I hopped out of bed and dressed in a flash... and boy was the lack of sleep worth it... the food was chuckwagon-breakfast-worthy indeed.
    Next, my dad took me on an "adventure" to Walmart (eek) where he purchased me an outdoor dining set for our backyard. (yay). And he would not take "no" for an answer (not that I said "no".... If I've learned anything in the past 25 years, it is to never say "no" to my dad.... he will just go ahead with his hair-brained-scheme anyway...) Then I got to help Ben choose his missionary suit. (good times). Finally I went home and took a quick nap before heading off to see the new Batman movie. At this point my day had been pretty regular... nothing too emotionally crazy to amount to a total breakdown YET......
   Then batman rolled around......... WHAT?! I LOVE batman! Alright, actually it was my brother Ben that "rolled around".... Now, call me crazy (seriously... call me crazy)... but for the first time in my LIFE, I had an honest to goodness panic attack. It came out of NOWHERE! But as I was sitting there in that dark theater, preparing for the movie to begin (and throughout the film as well), all I could think about was what I would do if some crazy guy threw a smoke bomb into the theater and started shooting random people. My first thought was that I would jump in front of Liv and protect her from his ravaging bullets. But then Ben arrived at the theater and I realized I would just have to scream at John and make sure he got Liv covered and then I could grab Ben and throw him under a seat with me hiding him. It was seriously WEIRD....... I had it ALL planned out. And guess what?! I have NO idea what happened in the movie. All I could think about was the fact that Scott would KILL me if I got murdered (especially because I told him he could NOT go see batman in California because I was afraid he'd get shot). OK, so now that you all think I am NUTS.... Here is the rest of the story... still no tears yet.... So about an hour and a half into the movie, Ben decided the movie was too violent for his tastes, and since I was so insanely upset over my irrational fear of being blown up, I decided to take him home. But once we left the theater we realized we were both pretty upset so we decided to go to the zoo to cheer ourselves up. Love the zoo. Perfect way to overcome disastrous emotions. At this point, I have not started the crying, but can start to feel it coming on...... But the zoo did the trick..... for a while anyway....
   Finally, the family and I went to the UFOMT "Pioneers and Patriots" concert. It was fantastic. Beautiful music and touching commemorations of the pioneers and the men and women who have given their lives for our freedom. This got me REAL close.....
   After the show I went to my parents house for a bit and sat with them on their back deck to watch the fireworks show. It was a lovely event.
   Then around 11:00 I decided it was time to let them go to bed and head on home. As I pulled into my driveway, I remembered that it had been exactly one year to the day since Scott and I were burglarized. This was not a comforting thought. All of those terrible feelings started coming back and seriously freaking me out. But once again........ the tears were kept under wraps....
    After doing some laundry and eating my second meal of the day (honey nut cheerios), I got a call from my man. About 3 minutes into the conversation........... I lost it. The end. It happened... Over the bloody phone, it happened! Poor Scott.. if there is anything uglier than an Ester bawling, it has GOT to be an Ester bawling over the phone. Yikes. So bless his heart for not leaving me then and there.... come to think of it.... he didn't call me today......... oh crap.
   So........ That was it. Of ALL the things that happened to me that day that really could have brought on the waterworks... it was a phone call from my Scott. Thank you, my love, for being okay with your wife being somewhat emotionally-female and crying once a year for no reason that she can logically explain.

P.S... If anyone so much as HINTS at the ending to "The Dark Knight Rises", you can be SURE it will be the very last thing you ever do.